"my husband was not going to come back, i had to become independent"

When her husband left her alone to look after her three-year old daughter by herself, Rashmi Yadhav decided to leave her home in Bihar to seek a better life to provide for herself and her daughter. Leaving her daughter, Khushi, under the care of her sister, Rashmi packed her bags and got onto the next train to Bangalore, a city she had heard about and seen on television at the hospital she was working in as a nurse. She now works as a home nurse, catering to a patient with Parkinson’s disease.

Do you remember what it was like, the night that it hit you that you had to survive by yourself to provide for yourself and your daughter? How did the events of that night unfold?

Of course, I remember that night like it was yesterday. A year ago, I was working as a part-time nurse at a house, on the other side of the city, where the mistress of the house had Alzheimer’s disease. I hadn’t spoken to my family in three years, they don’t approve of the fact that women can work and as a result, I moved out, as I wanted to fend for myself and be independent. My husband wasn’t educated and did not work. He went out and drank every night and came home late, leaving our daughter under the care of my brother who was staying with us at the time, who is disabled. One night, I came home to find my daughter crying and bawling her eyes out and my brother on the floor, fallen from his wheelchair. He was bleeding. My husband had hit him, taken all of the money I had earned from the job I was working at the time and the money I had saved to pay for the rent of the house and my jewelry and left. I remember crying myself to sleep for the next few days and that was when it hit me. I remember lying in bed one day, next to my daughter, and I finally realized that it was time for me to get my life together. My daughter needed me. My husband was not going to come back, and my brother would leave soon, to get married. It was time for me to become independent.

Rashmi Yadhav (24) from Bihar, moved to Bangalore two years ago

Have you tried re-connecting with your family ever since you moved here?

I have, I miss them terribly. I try calling home sometimes, but they always turn me down. They say that I am a disgrace to the family name and they never want to be associated with me. It hurts, and some days I get so angry that I do not go to work. But then I remember, that this is to the benefit of my daughter in the long run; I am doing this for her and that is all I need to keep me going.

What are some challenges you face in Bangalore, do you enjoy working as a nurse?

I miss my daughter immeasurably; I miss holding her. The food is also quite unsettling here, in my opinion and I find it especially hard to communicate with the locals in Kannada. Also, I feel that people in Bangalore discriminate against people who have migrated to the city. They are helpful when I need help getting about and running errands, but some of them harass me in public sometimes and I don’t know how to react to such situations.

How often do you keep in touch with your sister and daughter, have you visited them since you left home?

I haven’t seen them in two years and it breaks my heart. I miss their voices and how my daughter used to jump up and down when I used to come home from work. I miss my daughter so much, I speak to her on the phone everyday, and listening to her voice makes me cry. I want to be with her, watch her grow I don’t know how long I’m going to live here for; I hope it is not forever. I want to be there to watch my daughter grow; I want to be there to guide her.

How do you like the job you are working currently? Is it challenging enough?

I am currently working as a home nurse for a patient with Parkinson’s disease. She is quite old and I enjoy catering to her needs, trying to make her feel better and comfortable. My favorite part of the day is when I take her out for a walk in the community, on her wheelchair. I love listening to the birds and watching children run and squeal as they play, it reminds me of my daughter. However, sometimes when I am at the house, I have a lot of free time, as my job is not demanding. I use this time to reflect on my past or wonder where I would be right now had I not left home.

As Rashmi articulated her story to me, one of heartbreak and sorrow, but also one of the ferocity of love, I realized that there is so much more depth to a person that what it may appear to be. Every migrant is different, and that is what makes this subject so special, I get to converse with different people, coming from different backgrounds and fully understand what like is like for them, moving away from home and into a large metropolitan city like Bangalore with over 12 million people from all over the world.